alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
