This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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