I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
