i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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