i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
