She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
