From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
