living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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