i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize