i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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