birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
