Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
