and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
