i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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