so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize