Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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