Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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