I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bring me that man meat
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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