the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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