dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
