I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
