those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
