I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
