Non-Jews are for practice
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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