She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
