God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
