You're my little dorito
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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