i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
