I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
