I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
