Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
