HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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