She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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