Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
