An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You left your phone here
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I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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