This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
