i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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