all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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