did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
