also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
