ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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