I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
