I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
