Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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