Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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