careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
