girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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