I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
