eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
