And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
