If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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