Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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