she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize