I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
