so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
