we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
