I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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