oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
