they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
