i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
