Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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