Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize