words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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