i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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