The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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