jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
