she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
