UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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