"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
