I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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