i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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