I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
