I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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