I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
