I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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