and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
