I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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